Forgiving myself

So yesterday had an interesting chat with a stranger, this was meant to be a screening for a job interview just by the way. We spent about 20% talking about job hunting related stuff and the rest of the time, well, we spoke about life.

Divorce, relationships after divorce, getting back with ex husbands, separating again, children and single motherhood. By the time I left her offices, I had a few take aways, two notable ones below:

The first lesson:- I have to forgive my ex husband, because I carry that baggage with me everywhere I go. I basically attract douche bags who are treating me the same way as he did or even worse. After i have forgiven my ex, it’s important that I forgive myself too. We never really got to speaking about which one comes first, forgiving myself or him.

Second lesson:- career driven, single mothers are a global phenomenal. We are beautiful, strong, compassionate …..all the niceties women are.

After this strange but exciting encounter, I got into my car and while stuck in traffic in Sandton, lamented about a failed relationship and how it all now makes sense, well it still does not make sense, but I prefer to say it does for now.

Women are wired to share, everything from lessons, conversations with strangers, we share everything, I mean every little insignificant thing and we have this ability to find significance in the small things. I guess that is what makes us women, special.

I needed to share and I did, through a text message that evolved into a telephone conversation about our kids, abusive parenting and forgiveness.

Is it coincidental that women seem to agree on most problems? In fact we hardly ever disagree, we could advise the other to do things in a certain way? It’s probably the instinct in us- comfort instinct.

So from this conversation I figured out the order of priorities with regards to the forgiveness project. I call it a project because it’s something I have to work on, I have to pray about it, remind myself and be wide awake to keep my emotions in check for when I act like someone who has not forgiven. So it’s a project okay. Great.

Priority number one: Lelo, forgive yourself for making the decision that he was the one when in actual fact he was not. Everything else that happened as a result of that marriage will fall into place.

Priority number two: forgiving my ex husband. Now this is the part of the project I am worried about! I have to pull twice as much weight as the first one. He makes promises he knows he has no intention of ever fulfilling, takes the livelihood of our kids for granted…note how I said “our” this is a step in the right direction…I have this rule ‘I pay I say’ I pay for your everything therefore I say…so since I pay for everything, I am the one who is actively involved in raising them up, making decisions about their up bringing, they are MY children… I am glad they are now our children, this will aid the forgiveness process.

Now that I have my priorities in check, this morning I woke up and started working on priority number one, forgiving myself. I know it’s not going to be an overnight, I have to work at it and forgive myself unconditionally….

It’s still the first day, so I am well aware that It will take sometime, time I am happy to invest….


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