Forgiving myself

So yesterday had an interesting chat with a stranger, this was meant to be a screening for a job interview just by the way. We spent about 20% talking about job hunting related stuff and the rest of the time, well, we spoke about life.

Divorce, relationships after divorce, getting back with ex husbands, separating again, children and single motherhood. By the time I left her offices, I had a few take aways, two notable ones below:

The first lesson:- I have to forgive my ex husband, because I carry that baggage with me everywhere I go. I basically attract douche bags who are treating me the same way as he did or even worse. After i have forgiven my ex, it’s important that I forgive myself too. We never really got to speaking about which one comes first, forgiving myself or him.

Second lesson:- career driven, single mothers are a global phenomenal. We are beautiful, strong, compassionate …..all the niceties women are.

After this strange but exciting encounter, I got into my car and while stuck in traffic in Sandton, lamented about a failed relationship and how it all now makes sense, well it still does not make sense, but I prefer to say it does for now.

Women are wired to share, everything from lessons, conversations with strangers, we share everything, I mean every little insignificant thing and we have this ability to find significance in the small things. I guess that is what makes us women, special.

I needed to share and I did, through a text message that evolved into a telephone conversation about our kids, abusive parenting and forgiveness.

Is it coincidental that women seem to agree on most problems? In fact we hardly ever disagree, we could advise the other to do things in a certain way? It’s probably the instinct in us- comfort instinct.

So from this conversation I figured out the order of priorities with regards to the forgiveness project. I call it a project because it’s something I have to work on, I have to pray about it, remind myself and be wide awake to keep my emotions in check for when I act like someone who has not forgiven. So it’s a project okay. Great.

Priority number one: Lelo, forgive yourself for making the decision that he was the one when in actual fact he was not. Everything else that happened as a result of that marriage will fall into place.

Priority number two: forgiving my ex husband. Now this is the part of the project I am worried about! I have to pull twice as much weight as the first one. He makes promises he knows he has no intention of ever fulfilling, takes the livelihood of our kids for granted…note how I said “our” this is a step in the right direction…I have this rule ‘I pay I say’ I pay for your everything therefore I say…so since I pay for everything, I am the one who is actively involved in raising them up, making decisions about their up bringing, they are MY children… I am glad they are now our children, this will aid the forgiveness process.

Now that I have my priorities in check, this morning I woke up and started working on priority number one, forgiving myself. I know it’s not going to be an overnight, I have to work at it and forgive myself unconditionally….

It’s still the first day, so I am well aware that It will take sometime, time I am happy to invest….

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Forgiving myself

So yesterday had an interesting chat with a stranger, this was meant to be a screening for a job interview just by the way. We spent about 20% talking about job hunting related stuff and the rest of the time, well, we spoke about life.

Divorce, relationships after divorce, getting back with ex husbands, separating again, children and single motherhood. By the time I left her offices, I had a few take aways, two notable ones below:

The first lesson:- I have to forgive my ex husband, because I carry that baggage with me everywhere I go. I basically attract douche bags who are treating me the same way as he did or even worse. After i have forgiven my ex, it’s important that I forgive myself too. We never really got to speaking about which one comes first, forgiving myself or him.

Second lesson:- career driven, single mothers are a global phenomenal. We are beautiful, strong, compassionate …..all the niceties women are.

After this strange but exciting encounter, I got into my car and while stuck in traffic in Sandton, lamented about a failed relationship and how it all now makes sense, well it still does not make sense, but I prefer to say it does for now.

Women are wired to share, everything from lessons, conversations with strangers, we share everything, I mean every little insignificant thing and we have this ability to find significance in the small things. I guess that is what makes us women, special.

I needed to share and I did, through a text message that evolved into a telephone conversation about our kids, abusive parenting and forgiveness.

Is it coincidental that women seem to agree on most problems? In fact we hardly ever disagree, we could advise the other to do things in a certain way? It’s probably the instinct in us- comfort instinct.

So from this conversation I figured out the order of priorities with regards to the forgiveness project. I call it a project because it’s something I have to work on, I have to pray about it, remind myself and be wide awake to keep my emotions in check for when I act like someone who has not forgiven. So it’s a project okay. Great.

Priority number one: Lelo, forgive yourself for making the decision that he was the one when in actual fact he was not. Everything else that happened as a result of that marriage will fall into place.

Priority number two: forgiving my ex husband. Now this is the part of the project I am worried about! I have to pull twice as much weight as the first one. He makes promises he knows he has no intention of ever fulfilling, takes the livelihood of our kids for granted…note how I said “our” this is a step in the right direction…I have this rule ‘I pay I say’ I pay for your everything therefore I say…so since I pay for everything, I am the one who is actively involved in raising them up, making decisions about their up bringing, they are MY children… I am glad they are now our children, this will aid the forgiveness process.

Now that I have my priorities in check, this morning I woke up and started working on priority number one, forgiving myself. I know it’s not going to be an overnight, I have to work at it and forgive myself unconditionally….

It’s still the first day, so I am well aware that It will take sometime, time I am happy to invest….

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Promote Your Books and Blog: A Look at Author Websites

The WordPress.com Blog

The comments poured in on our last twoposts highlighting new books by WordPress.com authors. We’re happy to host such a prolific literary bunch! For those of you interested in using a website to promote your books, take a look at three authors on WordPress.com who do this well — each with very different designs and approaches:

H. G. Robert

We found H. G. Robert’s website from a comment he’d left on a previous post. I clicked on his link and was delighted to find a simple, clean, and effective homepage for his self-help book:

The black-and-white design is crisp and stylish, and with just a few elements to focus on, you can’t miss anything. A highlighted “Read more” button takes you to another clean, concise page with a book synopsis, excerpt, and reviews.

His menu at the top right includes just two links, to his bio and blog.

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“When I am writing, I am trying to find out who I am.”

The Daily Post

Maya Angelou by Spanglej, CC BY-SA 2.0.Maya Angelou by Spanglej, CC BY-SA 2.0.

Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.

Find a beautiful piece of art. If you fall in love with Van Gogh or Matisse or John Oliver Killens, or if you fall love with the music of Coltrane, the music of Aretha Franklin, or the music of Chopin — find some beautiful art and admire it, and realize that it was created by human beings just like you, no more human, no less.

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.

When I am writing, I am trying to find out who I am, who we are, what we’re capable of, how…

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A young life lost, almost

When a cousin died a few years ago leaving two young boys, most members of the family were queuing to take over the responsibility of raising the two boys. I know I was ready to put my neck on the line for the boys, despite the fact I was already a single mother of twin boys. I must have been on something to believe I was going to manage.

Due to family politics, the boys’ upbringing was not allocated to the first on the line. Immediately after my cousin passed on, the oldest started bunking school and eventually dropped out. As soon as he dropped out of school he decided to move in with his long lost, newly found dad. This was not a good idea as his decision to stay out of school could not be addressed. The father, who owns a fleet of taxis in the eyes of this youngster, was everything to him. A taxi mogul, hero and a father he has never known. The agenda of him finishing school was out of the question, he shut everyone out who advocated for him to go back to school.

I kept my distance because I never knew how to pretend as though I did not care that he was not at school.

Recently, the dad passed on as well, what the boy does not realise or maybe he does, is that when he reconnected with his dad, there were brothers and sisters older and younger than him…who will lay claim to the taxis and every other thing than he owned.

This young life now has to figure his life out, without the guidance or presence of any parent. I hope from this he can learn a key lesson that when an opportunity for getting an education presents itself, grab it and don’t look back, because the prize of ignorance is higher than the prize you pay for education.

I hope he will be strong enough to start building his life, it’s never too late to start…

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Misleading e-Toll Adverts Have Got To Go Says ASA

zamarketinginsider

e-toll-2The Advertising Standards Authority has ruled that new adverts produced for the South African National Roads Agency (Sanral) are misleading and unsubstantiated. Sanral, of course, is the company behind Gauteng’s controversial e-Tolls.

This isn’t the first time that the ASA has pulled the plug on e-Toll adverts because the commercials were deemed to be misleading.

After this most recent ruling, the advertising body went on to warn Sanral that if it continued to produce misleading advertising the ASA may demand to see all e-Toll ads before they are flighted or published.

Read the full story on the latest e-Toll advertising saga on MoneyWeb.

Read more:

Sanral halts misleading ads on IOL.

Sanral told to pull etoll ads – again on htxt.africa.

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Note to self

So I have been making an attempt at being approachable, friendly, I have been exercising the “note to self” approach, as advised by my more experienced and seasoned colleagues.

So the past week as I make my normal trip to a local Woolworths to grab something to eat, I get out of the car with a note to self…”be approachable” get into the store with a smile on my face and the next thing I know, a man is smiling back at me. I greet politely and move to get on with my business.

As I leave the store, guy is there standing by the door, instinctively I look at the fingers and guess what he is wearing an unmissable wedding band…what is wrong with married guys? Why don’t they just keep to themselves? uuuurg…my efforts, gone down the drain, waisted…so I dismiss him as fast as I see the ring and it’s done.

Then the following day just as I am walking to the office just off the bus, with the note to self in mind…a street vendor greets me with such glee. Now I really appreciate that I am making notable progress but a street vendor? No man I know I can do better than that. I guess I can pat myself on the shoulder for being able to be approachable and be greeted by two strangers…

I am learning, be approachable and expect to be approached by all kinds, even the wrong ones, walk slow in case some one wants to say hi….

As I write this, two decent looking guys in the train with me, one next to me and the other across, I keep on stealing stares because I am asking myself, could I date you? In asking myself these questions I find that both are definitely no go areas..for now..one is wearing painted shiny shoes with some glaring grey, maroon cargo pants and a navy blue sweater. The other is wearing a peach cotton shirt with maroon pants also, a striped sweater with navy and brown detail…oh just my luck, what is it with guys and maroon pants? Maybe it’s a winter trend.

Oh well, I guess I will be continuing on that note to self tip….

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